Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
