I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
