You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
