I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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