If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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