I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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