I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
