Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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