Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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