haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
whose ass print is on the piano?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize