Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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