Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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