Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
