So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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