i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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