your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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