y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
