I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize