he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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