RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
