I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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