I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
