i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
