not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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