I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
send nudes
from the living room?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
