That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
