my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
