I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
