I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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