I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
