does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
