So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
