what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He better not be in your backpack
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
