It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
