Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
