ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
