I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize