Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
