I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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