You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
