Who wears a wallet chain?!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
