Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
