somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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