I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
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