Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I think your dad took our porno
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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