I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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