Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
