Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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