So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
