Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
