tonight lets celebrate not being married
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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