So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
