I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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