I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
