I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
