Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
