Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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