You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
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