You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
