am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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