Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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