you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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