no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
