So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
