READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
soo... how was my night?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize