The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Dear god my vagina.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
