I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
