it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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