Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
