I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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