Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
