Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
