You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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