The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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