I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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