I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
