A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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