your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
