Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
