I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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