so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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