Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Even my vagina gasped.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
