Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
