next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize