kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
