i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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