i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize