everyone is single if you try hard enough
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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