Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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