I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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