Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
