Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
