i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
