I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
