Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
