so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
