id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize