WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
