you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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