I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
