why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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