My Higher Power is John Stamos
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Can you bring me the toilet please
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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