the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
