i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Sorry my hands just texted you
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
