He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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