just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You're like the curious george of whores
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
