i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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