bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
