I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
