I CAN MOONWALK!
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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