he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
