I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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