Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
