I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
