Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
