Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
